No time for trash talk: level up your conversations

There are times where I have left a lengthy conversation and gained absolutely nothing. In fact, I have felt worse off. This was either because the conversation was filled with gossip, coarse jokes or anecdotes, or simply just pointless topics. Pointless in the sense that it had no relation to the welfare of either parties – it was just empty talk.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death or life].

Proverbs 18:21 (AMPC)

If death and life are in the power of your tongue, then what do you spend your time conversing about?

The conversations we have can either be life-giving or fill our minds with unbeneficial thoughts – it’s a choice. And if our thoughts determine our actions, then what you fill your mind with through conversation will determine the course of your life (Proverbs 4:23). I am realising that success is largely achieved through the seemingly insignificant decisions we make in our daily lives – one of which is the type of conversations we entertain. The ability to converse effectively has many benefits – one of them being that it will present you as a more interesting person which will certainly open up more opportunities.

How do I level up my conversations?

1. Genuinely consider what the other person is saying

Some of the best conversations I have had are the ones where both parties genuinely consider what the other is saying and responds thoughtfully. For some of us, it can be tempting to respond straight away, barely allowing the other person to finish their sentence. The lack of thought in the words expressed does not allow for true understanding and connection between the parties – undermining the value of the conversation.

2. Surround yourself with others who appreciate value-adding conversations

The truth is, there are some people who do enjoy conversations filled with gossip and coarse jokes meaning that not everyone will embrace a value-adding conversation. This places the onus on you to create an innermost circle of those who provide wise counsel, positivity and inspiration to your life. This does not mean every conversation needs to be “deep” per say. But even a light conversation can still be profitable – it should provide relief from the heavier aspects of life. I struggle to see how gossip (in terms of talking about others and what they are up to) will provide the relief that you need. It is more of a distraction from your own reality.

3. Realise that not every invitation to converse needs to be accepted

Not every invitation to meet-up needs to be accepted. You should ask yourself: why does that person want to meet up and when we meet up what will we talk about? Though it may sound quite OTT, we ought to be intentional about who we are entertaining because we are also entertaining that person’s thoughts and energy which will either have a positive or negative effect on your life.

The more you realise the urgency of life, the more intentional you will become about the type of conversations you entertain.

Not every conversation needs to be had.

Further reading

Redefining Success