The man of too many friends [chosen indiscriminately] will be broken in pieces and come to ruin, But there is a [true, loving] friend who [is reliable and] sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 18:24 (AMP)I’m realising more and more how we have creative control over how our story goes. One of the areas this control is expressed is through our choice of friends. I was speaking to a good friend recently and we were reflecting on times where we accommodated one-sided friendships that left us feeling drained. We came to the conclusion that the desire to be “nice” and be considered as such majorly contributed to this predicament.
Being nice doesn’t allow for boundaries as you are constantly preoccupied with how others perceive you. Being kind on the other hand, recognises that sometimes the best thing to do for yourself and the other person(s) is to let go – whatever that may look like in your situation. Being kind allows you to be secure in who you are and what you have to offer, which makes the backlash you may receive for letting go inconsequential to how you view yourself.
The friends you choose to partner with is absolutely integral to how successful you are in fulfilling your life’s mission. Friends can either build or break you…so choose well. Create standards for your friendships and define your expectations so you don’t compromise your values.
Friendships should be mutually beneficial:
- How can I add value to you?
- How are you adding value to me?
- Are we aiding each other’s growth?
- Is my relationship with you detrimental to my peace of mind?I think it’s important to consider questions like the above. If not, there’s the risk of giving too much of yourself to others with nothing in return.
Do not settle for anybody just for the sake of having friends
For those of you who are struggling to make friends, do not settle for anybody just for the sake of having friends. Yes, it is difficult but you will find yourself better off being alone than to be in relationship with people who leave you worse off.
Relationships are crucial. I believe we were created to be in relationship, so a lot of our contentment as humans comes from meaningful connection. Therefore, I think it is fair to say that choosing the right friends to partner with in life is an essential component to living a successful life.
Further reading
Redefining Success 
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